🔗 Share this article Navigating the Yearning for Spontaneous Intimacy Whilst Pursuing a Meaningful Relationship As a homosexual male approaching 50, I’ve spent many, mostly pleasurable years pursuing casual sex with other men since the age of 19. During my fourth decade, I was in a serious relationship that lasted a significant period, but it never fully satisfied me, in that I didn't experience love nor intimately fulfilled. Truthfully, I have always craved uncommitted intimacy. Every time I begin to date any man, once the newness fades, an impulse arises to have sex with new partners again. Reflecting on the Possibility of Monogamy Currently, I'm contemplating if I’ll ever be able to sustain a monogamous relationship. I understand that numerous gay men have non-monogamous arrangements, yet from my observations, they appear like hard work, frequently resulting in lots of pain and jealousy among all parties. To a large extent, I want a partner to care for me while letting me remain sexually free, but I dread to imagine the emotional drain this would cause. Is it best to keep having casual sex and accept that a long-term relationship is not possible? I feel somewhat confused. Each individual's intimate path varies. Try not to think about what you require in partnerships or your capacity to handle various forms of intimate connections as fixed. Your needs in your current state could easily shift in the future; at a certain time you might become less ambivalent and discover some clarity and a comfortable path … or perhaps not. At some point you might meet someone who provides a life-changing chance for you by reflecting your desires in a holistic fashion … and at another point you might decide that non-committal encounters are best for you. Fretting over the future and playing endless speculation is merely rooted in fear and squandering of your energy. Aim to stay in the moment in your relationships, and see the worth of every individual you connect with intimately a sexual connection. If and when the time is right to deepen genuine closeness with one partner, it will be clear. The psychotherapist practices as a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in addressing sexual disorders.